Words In My Head

Scream me a love song. At the top of your lungs tell he how you would kill for me. Tell me how you would die for me. Scream me a love song about how I am the air you breathe. Tell me how you couldn’t live with out my kisses and how my touch melts your soul. Mumble how my smile sends tears down your face. Whisper how you would never let me fall. Scream me a love song telling me how the stars could never shine as bright as my eyes and how Heaven was jealous to merely look fair against my beauty. Sing me a love song. Whisper to me how you will stand by me forever. Tell me how you were born to tell me you love me. Scream how you wish the night would never end; tell me how you wish the moon would kill the sun. Scream at me and beg me to stay. Let me use you till there is nothing left. Say you love me and how you need me and it hurts to be without my love. Scream me a love song that will make me climb on top of you and consume you till we are empty and passed out and then wake up and sing me another melody.

They tell her to smile as the tears begin to fill her eyes. They angrily whisper, "Don’t you dare cry." She holds back and only lets out one tear. She wipes it quickly out of fear. In her room she cries the forbidden tears. It has been like this for years. The times in the past she never thought it would last. Seven years have gone by and still she can't help but cry. Now the tears are not all that express the pain. She needs a little blood to drain. She cuts into her already flawed flesh. This helps relieve the stress. She holds the blade in her shaking hand as she readies the alcohol and bandages on the night stand. They suspect the sadness but won’t ruin the appearance of normal and perfectness. Every time she tries she gets closer to the vein and stops due to the intense pain. She keeps trying. So sad one day you'll finally realize that she truly was dying.

I was told, "Follow these rules made just for you." Live your life so that you are easily forgotten. Dress so that no one can pick you out in a crowd. Speak softly and quickly so that you can be easily ignored. Keep your options to yourself. Avoid pictures. Don't make friends with people that matter. Keep secrets to yourself. And last and most important don't ever think you matter. You are nothing. Give it away. Give it for free. Accept any offer. You are worth nothing so don't except anything in return for it. Hold out you heart and let anyone take it. Let them do as they please. You are worthless and everyone knows it.

Why am I always left behind. I am the stone to step on till the flood passes. Always with the silly hope this time things will last longer than a storm. Take a graceful bow and slip away into the back of their minds. Marks of memories etch into my flesh. There is nothing in this world I can enjoy because I know the feeling will soon go away and it taints the happiness. Second and third chances are silly notions that things will work out this time. If one shot wasn't good enough no matter the amount of attempts the result will be the same. Sometimes it is just too late. I am quite aware that I am just not good enough. Never will be, But still like a child I believe in the end that I will one day not cry. Why do I care? I don't care! If I cant save me maybe I can save you. Stupid good for nothing rants of hurt and annoyance, What did I do to warrant the madness?

In the blindness of the light I see the passion in the eyes of the man who we viewed as forsaken. Diving into a pool of blood he makes the air clear and the water glisten like a star beams in the light of the day. The sun shown through the clouds and the madness ran to hide. The grass grew from the brownness that it had become and the flowers and trees bloomed all around. The little girl on the swing wore up and the farm was no longer falling. The cow began to moo as she ran who alone. She wasn't surprised to find no one there as the door opened the night fell again. She spun out of control and hit the wall. She awoke to the sound of singing. She had grown up and seen it was all a dream. Now she is in the big city in her over sized bed radio blasting the sounds of the youths that hurt. She remembers the band who's lyrics sang of nothingness but the angst. Play to God to help them be strong. Remember that day the first time she cried at the sound of laughter, she looked for the change years ago and now there is nothing everyone is angry and she is afraid they will find out her secret. Why do the innocents die? Why did so many have to die. The words she'll never forget stream in her head. The man who saved her shit himself at the sight of her. It wasn't right that the blood had to stain her new white dress. The one she spent years dreaming of. Wake me up she wants to shout but no words come out. A whisper lives on her tongue. I'll meet you at seven rings in her ears. It is 6:52 and the moon and sun are fighting outside. Is it day or night? Is this the upside or right. Good bye to the day and screw the light of the night. The lack of that is driving her mad. She doesn't know what there is left to do her whisper wont rise. Why can't I breathe in the stale scent of the cigarettes is that a fire that is burning where she used to lie? The tree grows out of the grown and the swing it is broken. Years of rot have causes it to crumble. The years old engravings of the tree are now inside out backwards. Graffiti has taken over the words. That is not possible. The banging on the door reveals the forsaken man.

I am here for only a season of your life. I come in like a gust of wind. Out of nowhere I consume your life. When my purpose is over I will disappear as fast as I came. Its ok though I know that I am there for only one purpose and I dont take it personally when we fade. I play the sister you never had. I am the lover you will never find again. I am the friend that answered the question you were always afraid to ask. I am the secret informer for the gender and the person just amusing enough to make you giggle. My name is easy to forget and my face is that of someone you swear you known before. Easy to forget hard to remember is what I am. I will being you joy and insight. I will hold you as you cry and make you laugh when you are down. I will make you take a stand and help you find the answers your heart wont give you. Lessons I teach you will come back years later and help you in a hard situation. You will think it was always in you. Maybe but it really was me. Dont worry I will never throw it back in your face. I am a godsend I am here just to get you to the next level in you life. I answer your prayers in my own special way. Be grateful thats the only thing I ask of you.. Let me work that magic that is what I do and dont feel bad when you fade from me. That is my purpose and I except it you will do well to except it to.

My words don’t seem to matter. Looking at your pictures from the day when we meet, you gave me a smile I’ll never forget. Nothing could protect me from those nights I wish would never end. You wrapped me around your finger. Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine I'm leaving my life in your hands. I can't get you out of my head Don't care what is written in your history, as long as you're here with me. I've tried to hide it so that no one knows but I guess it shows, when you look into my eyes. I'd go anywhere for you, anywhere you ask me to. I'd do anything for you. Anything you want me to. I'd walk halfway around the world for just one kiss from you, far beyond the call of love the sun, the stars, the moon. As long as your love is there to lead me I won't lose my way, believe me even through the darkest night you know. Close your eyes make a wish. This could last forever if only you could stay with me now. So tell me what it is that keeps us from each other now. You're under my skin. No I can't let you go. You're a part of me now caught by the taste of your kiss. And I don't want to know the reason why I can't stay forever like this. Now I'm climbing the walls because I miss you. Take my hand, take my life. Just don't take forever and let me feel your pain kept inside. There's got to be a way you and me together now. Yeah it's coming' to get me. You're under my skin.

She lies. She can look you into eyes and tells lies. She says, "Yeah Sweetie, yeah Baby, yeah Hun you're the only one. Don't mind Pete, Matt, or Billy. You are just being silly. They are just friends, well till this day ends." They come ready with a hug and kiss, maybe a lick or two. They know nothing of you. She keeps it that way or they won't play. "Just one of the guys," she self proclaims. She learned a long time ago how to play the different games. After the deed is done all she wants to do is run. She has a fast getaway. You'll beg but she'll never stay. Her departure is so out of the blue. You question, "Are you okay? What did I do?" She will reply. "I'm fine. I'm alright. It's late. It was great. I got to go though." Barely even a kiss and she is out the door any protest to stay she will ignore. Before you know it she is speeding off petal to the floor. When she is done with you she is off to see someone new. Next day it is as if nothing happened and she is okay. She got a "no worries" attitude and state of mind. How you don't see how she works your mind, you must be blind. Nothing you say or do can offend her. She barely hears you anyway to her you're just a blur. You fill the time till something better comes her way or until you get tired and no longer want to stay. The words she speaks sometimes so harsh and she jokes," My tongue is like a razor your mouth will be full of blood when the kisses are done." The emotions she'll make you feel will overcome you like a flood. You will soon fall and fall hard, yet the emotions will be met with disregard. Letting your guard down is the biggest mistake you can make. She lets you believe she is anything but fake. But she lies as she kisses you and looks in your eyes.

Your kisses tasted of bitter coffee and stale cigarettes. They tasted of all my regrets. Never again will I let the thoughts of what could have been cross my mind. I know now that I was blind. Your lies made me bleed so many times in the past. The emptiness is gone at last. I held on to the memory of not so great days as if they were something to smile at. Now I look back and say "What the hell was that?" I drowned in your so called love, I ended up gasping for breath. Every day brought me closed to death. I don't care and I can not love what is never true. I just have grown to hate you. You taught me to not expect much. You taught me not to accept anyone's touch. You never made me believe I deserve better than this. I always had to hold back with every kiss. I was afraid to be let go. With out you what the hell did I know? Was it that I just wasn't good enough? No, I was anything but tough. I folded like a paper doll. My emotions was your toy to throw around like a ball. No more I miss you s no more I love you s. No more being miss used. You were the world to me and now the world is over and a new beginning has come. Now I look to fun. Days of sunshine and cool rain. Days with less pain. The scar remain and the memories never the same. I loved you more than you would have ever known. And this part of me is dead now that I let you go.

He is a drug to her. He makes her weak and makes her cry. He can bring her up and slam her down so hard that she doesn't know what happens. He is sick. Once she is finally clean of him and she believes she doesn't need him in her veins flooding her body and mind, she will say, "just a taste." That taste causes her downfall. He bleeds her dry of any joy and consumes her body with fake drugged reality. Every word is like taking a shot, every hug like swallowing a pill, every kiss like a lethal infection. She will never OD again. She just will be addicted for life. He kills her slowly making her need him. Need the feeling she feels when she is with him. She needs that up and down that rollercoaster of pain and ecstasy. She needs, she craves, she fiends him like the deadly drug that he is and can never get away.

I never meant to hurt you, never meant to let this happen. It wasn't supposed to be this way. To me you were everything great. My heart hurt when you were in pain. All I could I would have for you. I tried so hard to keep you protected. Didn't do enough though. You were destroyed by the people I feared. I wasn't strong enough for you. I couldn't stop them from killing your spirit. I am so sorry that I wasn't there and I never knew. Now all I can do is whisper for you to come back, but I know you never will. They have corrupted the purest soul I ever know and now you are just as cold and empty as everyone else. How did I let you die?

Fuck me. Fuck me hard. Make me scream. Make me want to cry out. That is the way you like it right? You like it rough and dirty. You love the control you have over me. You always fuck me one way or another. I try so hard to stay away but I can’t. Secretly I love it too or so you think. Why let it be gently. Why let me think its about love. You don’t love me. You love the idea of me. You love the power you have. I always am left longing for the connection but there is none. I am slowly growing tired of getting fucked over by you. Kill me, let me die. Take my breath away. Let me fade. Stab me, shoot me, strangle me, drown me, drug me. I have nothing left to do here. My mission is complete. I lived. I loved. I gave and took. I have nothing left. All that I loved are gone. All my debts are paid. Please kill me I don't want to go on there is nothing here for me anymore.

Its killing me the idea of this sadistic life. Who the hell decided this what the way to be. I hate you and all the lies. Kill me with a knife. I dance all night and then sleep during lessons. The kiss made me drown. I sleep and throw up. Touch my heart and let me fly to your eyes. I hate the look of you; this is the way not to be. Jealous of the life others have and I want to cry. Explosions over and over and over again. Die and swim in the side of luck. In the cage of life red marked up wrist. Star light star light with all you might shine bright bright in the sky. Garter belts and lotion will never be the same. It is over this awful game.

People always find a new way to disappoint me. It hurts so much. Lies and broken promises. How could I ever look into your eyes again? Its a happy sadness at the relief of things not working out. It a "should have known better," at the site of things. I know I give more than I get. It shouldn't be that way but it is. My love is invisible, and what I do doesn't matter it is over shadowed by something so minuet. That isn't important to me at all. I'm deeper than that. To be near to be warmed is all I need. "I wish I could make you smile I'd do anything for that." Yet there is a sadness at the site of that, a fear that it just wont be okay and a greatness will be lost. I will be disappointed and hurt. I don't want to lose what I hold so dear to my heart. There is such a joy when I look at what I love. I can not lie even if I wanted to. I want to be treated the way I treat others. I ask a few simple question that is the end of it. I will not bring it up again. Wow he must really hate me! I look at her not with hurt but a sort of envious jealousy. A slight anger at what I am afraid I will never have. That is the slight twitch I couldn't quite describe. Why do I get myself into situations like this? Damn this self doubt, maybe I do deserve something else. but maybe not. I didn't realize what a evil person I was. Karma is kicking my ass. I can't believe I believe the lies that I do. I guess its only a way to not recognize the pain. Why do I love? I feel that familiar twitch in my hands the aching for a, "thin red line," right through my palms and up my arms. It almost hurt to not do it. Why can't I have all your heart? I know you hold back. I see a shadow in our eyes where you hide. You never really let me in. Maybe after a drink or two in your late night talks and visits I "force" you to have I get it. Yet its always the same theme. I wonder what would be the problem if that one wasn't there anymore. Stupid kissing picture didn't even hurt or upset it made solid everything. Will I maybe with the right approach. Damn itching in my fore arm. A cut with the blade would relax me. My love is gone and replaced by a new happiness one that only comes in tiny amounts. It is always shortly timed. It seem when I get to the point that I can be content it has to be cut short. FUCK! Yea fucking fucking fucks up my fucking mind. Damn it! I want a silly every night memory that others take for granted. I just want a few hours to love, just a little while where I can be comfortable and cuddly. A kiss on the forehead, a heart beat in my ear, and an arm around me keeping me close, I want a chance to fall asleep warm and safe naked under a blanket with the background noise of the television and snoring in my ear. But for now all I can do is wait patiently.

I am missing the arm wrapped around me when I got scared. Miss knowing someone cared. The gentle kiss on my head to let me know it was okay. Miss not having to worry hold long in those arms I could stay. That comfort of just lounging on the couch and being bummy. Miss being about the call at anytime I felt crummy. Falling asleep and waking to see a smiling face looking down at me. Miss being happy. That warmth I got being pulled though a crowd by that strong hand. Miss knowing that someone would understand. The look in those eyes that always made me melt. Miss not worrying if it was true what I felt. Miss the hand on my back when we were standing in line. Miss being able to call someone mine. The necklace I wore everyday for years and that ring that meant so much. Miss “the touch.” The hand in my front pocket that pulled me close and let me know I wouldn't be let go of. I miss being blind and in love.

Spinning dismay. Unbelievable laughter at nothingness. Screams of insanity. Smiles of weirdness. Notable understanding noticing scars. Spinning and whirling into a sea of shine lights washing over body in grass. Patterns and shapes forcing in a LSD cloud. Drugged so highly drugged. Laughing of drossiness. Sleep a need for sleeping. Spiting humor and ink flood out of white lilies. Wow sad pretty lilies. Touch the pea colored butterfly. Laugh at the song bird smile. Chirp chirp sound of silence are so loved as the board drifts away. In a fit of yellow screaming ha ha ha ha ha ha La De Da La De Da Le. It sings to me. It speaks to me telling me the sun is only jealous. Floating off the group of daisies fall on a bare stomach. Do they see the squirrel as he runs up your leg. Do you like riding on the clouds looking down. Darkness then light. What was that? Spinning and falling back down into the sea. Water concentrating fish swimming into you. Fish in your veins flow me. No breath but its all good. Walking on the muddy floor. It squishes though toes. Eww, don't like that. A shark before you. No more hands just stubs off arms. He waves good bye with you own hands. Shaking lips have turned to jelly. Walking but no ground is there. The beach a blanket fall into you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha you are RED. Ha ha ha ha ha RED!!! Hands are still gone. The shark hands you a hand that is not your own. HA, Fish for things and a clam in hand. These aren’t my hands. Call out and then he waves good bye, Blew a kiss into the wind that made it rain for days as you cried to let go of your legs. They are stuck in the sand. Screaming yellow sun, crying white moon so angry at you. Stop yelling he cries. Stop bleeding into my beautiful ocean of wine. Drink the blue sky into your soul and turn purple. No air just a lost of sight. Blackness it your eyes and cold in your ears. No words no sounds no sound no life around you are gone. Spinning around to the nothing down the rabbit hole into a cloud of dust and fall fall fall fall on to the couch. “Are you ok?” he asked as he blinks at you, “You got quiet all of a sudden. You were saying? “” I’m fine just zoned out a second.” You reply. “What were we talking about?”

Your tongue consumes me. It inhabits my mouth and I melt. A tingling sensation runs through my body. I reach for your face. Hold your neck close. Pull you near. As I close my eyes I get lost in you. With hands that roam I almost lose my breath. I try to consume you. I can not get enough. I claw at your back and bite at your lips. I become greedy and want more. Need more to ease the madness of lust that overcomes me. A sensation of heat so hot I feel on fire begins to take over. I reach for you. Want you deeper, nearer. I need you so close. I lock you in. Slowly I fall and drown into the sea of ecstasy and the madness of pleasure overcomes me over and over.

Do you remember when I told you that the sky was beautiful? Do you remember when I lied because I knew that truth would hurt you? Remember when I fell but refused to cry. Remember all these pretty thoughts we had when we were beautiful and young. Remember when pain was physical things fading emotions. Mommy or Daddy always made it better. Remember when it only made you sad for a little to see them go because you know they would always be back Remember when remembering was fun Remembered when it wasn't madness that drove you but the joy of the unknown. Now you forget to remember not wanting to forget it hurt to much to not see that this it the things we took for granted and how we never wanted anything more than the ice cream and the love of the parents we had. I remember no being afraid to fly. Soaring through the air on my imagination and only knowing that things would be okay. Everything was make-believe you could be and do anything. You had hope. I remember hoping and wishing, believing in the magic of life. Do you remember not wanting to go to bed, fighting the tiredness but letting it win out to only have the most fantastic dream and the once in a while nightmare. Waking up in a sweat and within seconds being consoled. Now you can stay up as last as you want and fight the tiredness because you know the dream time is over and only the nightmare remain. Now no one is there to hold you when you wake screaming. No more "hush no your safe." You are alone in your own empty bed. Scream but no one will come running. You are alone. I remember never being alone, knowing that a scream and everyone would come running. I remember those days. Music we sang always made us laugh, silly songs, silly words that looking back still make us giggle. I remember not wanting to look away because I was going to miss something. I remember when it was all okay. And now can't forge that it is all over and all the good memories are going to fade fast. New painful ones will replace them and it will be up to us to make them better for another generation. I will try to remember to forget the world is cruel. It hurts to grow up. This decent into adulthood and forgetting the innocence we had is the most painful memory. Everyday reminded that joy is over for us. It is now our job to make others smile.

When we begun it was just for fun. We went on smiling and laughing not knowing what would become of it. Now I set my knee upon the ground and ask you to sit down. I remember the summer sun and the winter snow fun. The memories of fall wing song calling and the spring rain falling. The night by the fire kept us warm and the days we couldn't see each other because of the storm. Now I ask you for your hand. For you I would cross sea and land. You are forever true in my heart. You are the one the essence of my soul that drive my heart out of control. I ask you to marry me and forever make it the way God intended it to be. I love you with all my heart and soul. You fill in my heart that deep. Will you be the one I hold tight? The last one I ever kiss goodnight? Here on my knees I ask you will you marry me ... please.

There is nowhere else I rather been when I have you here with me. You hold me near and take away all my fear. Your words make my mind go at ease and you do everything I please. In the madness of the everyday in your arms is where I wish I could always stay. The look in you eyes and smirk on your face melts me every time. I love the fact I can call you mine. I tell all my boys my girl is the best and better then all the rest. In the palm of your hand is where I am. I don’t believe them when they say love is just a scam. They are all fools don’t they know we are the exception to the rules. I’ll love you till the days turn to night and the light is no longer bright. Into the darkness we will feel our way hand in hand we’ll make them all understand. Our love will surpass all space and time. I’ll always be yours and you mine.

The woman stands like a good Spanish wife next to her husband silent. She stands in her uncomfortable shoes wearing a dress a little to fancy for the occasion. “Got to make me look good amore.”She crosses her arms against her large chest. She stares down noticing her oversized gaudy rings. Light is reflecting off of them in all directions. She wears them because he gave them to her. Her bracelets jingle as she readjusts her shawl. She keeps looking around looking for something of interest. She is not included in the conversation. Every few minutes she tunes in. Her husband is very much the leader of the debate. He is talking with his hands and is deeply passionate. Little beads of sweat are forming on his brow. She shifts a few times. In her mind she runs over all the stuff she needs to do. Shopping list, laundry that needs to be folded, things that need to be cleaned. She continues to stand and wait. Soon the night will end and then she will give the double kisses to all the friends. Tell them to send her love to Rosa and Blanca, Tell them to ask Maria and Elenita to call her for lunch. The night ends and he taps her on her large firm buttocks and thanks her for not embarrassing him. He kisses her and tells her how lucky he is to have her and how much he loves her more and more with every day that passes if that is possible. She is a good wife, she cooks cleans, cares for the ninos and loves her husband. She was trained well by her own Mama and will train her daughters. She is second class but does it because she knows no other way. To her it is love and the way of a Spanish wife.

It is not meant to be. Sorry I made you love me. You are too far away. I just can't stay. I hold you in the best of light, but this is our last night. I need too much and I am sorry. I know I told you not to worry. I was only fooling you and me. Now I have to go and let you be. You have such innocence in your eyes. From you I wouldn’t hear lies. Letting go will hurt more than I can transcribe. I do love you more than I can describe. But in order to be okay I need to go away. We both know I can’t stay and you’ll eventually end up hating me anyway. Remember when I said I love you and I do everything I could for you. This is what I have to do.

Ripping you apart piece by piece. Cursing myself for thinking you ever had a heart. Screaming over and over about what you where able to do. Crying about what you put me through. Stabbing my chest trying to get rid of the pain there. Thinking and laughing because you did not care. I look back see you laugh and then I cry again. I loved you then. I loved you even as you turned away from me and lied. I loved you even when you made me cry. I loved you more then ever when you said good-bye. I still love you even though you are gone. The memories of you still go on. Even though I am stronger now and know where you belong. You said you will always love me but you are the one I hold close. Now I hate you most. I look back and realize you were the one that smothered my breaths of life. You were at times one of the reasons I turned to the cutting of the knife. I almost wanted to take my own life. I keep my promise "I will forever love you till the day I die." I died that day we finally did said good-bye.

Be my good girl, try a little harder. That just wasn’t good enough. How many times do I have to tell you? Everything we do for you the least you can do is not screw up. You got to do a little more. You simply aren’t doing enough. You don’t make us proud. Why can’t you be like him? Why can’t you do what she does? Why are you crying? Push a little farther. Stop being lazy. You aren’t doing what you are supposed to. Stop hiding. No matter what you say it isn’t good enough. You make us sad. We can’t live like this anymore. You are a disappointment. We love you just the way you are if you changed everything you do. You are making it worse. Stop crying. You aren’t good enough. We’d love you if you were more.

You work in “the city,” put a lot of late nights in, and always see ms to have at least 3 dinner business meetings a week. There is blood red lipstick on your collar when all she wears is gloss, the scent of a perfume that she would never be caught dead reeking of emulating off you, the “dead” cell phone when you charge it every second of the day. She does your laundry, hugs you upon your arrival, and you tossed her your cell to order food as soon as you got home with a full battery icon. It was all wishful thinking that you never be found out. A lie of where you were going backfired as she tried to save your career with your briefcase. She does as you please, lives on her knees for you. She has grown to know you well enough to know you don’t love her anymore she is just the prize for the dinners and social get togethers. How could you let her be so miserable and still look in the mirror? You were the one that told her she deserved better. You were her savior, but you are worst, you don’t even try to cover it up anymore. It is the unspoken indiscretions you carry on that she is learning to believe is the way life is meant to be. She won’t call you out on it. That is not the proper way to be. She will let you be till she has time to gather up the courage soon she will one day leave with out a word. The day starts with a kiss and hug with a warm breakfast. A “have a good day hunny, Don’t work to hard today.” All before you leave. Take her in your arms and say. “I love you.” She nods and rushes you off to work. “Why don’t you cancel the business trip we can have fun.” A second of hesitation maybe you should skip the ‘meeting,’ “she did look beautiful today and God how did she love me,” you thought. Kissing her head you tell her you can’t. A sigh and a faked smile, “Will you be late?” Another moment of hesitation, “Yes a bunch of meetings.” You made it easy, no ring, and no legal documents. You stupid bastard, you “let her” put everything in her name as a “gift.” A ride home on the late train from a “meeting” she forgot to get you and damn her for forgetting. The phone is acting up saying there is no service. The pay phone is saying the number you dial is “no longer in service.” A late night taxi ride leads you to the house closed down, the rooms empty, and the cars gone. On the lawn a SOLD sign. All that is left is, laundry detergent to wash the stains off your collar, a bar of soap to get the perfume stench off your chest, and your chargers so you never go dead again with a spare and your briefcase filled and pouring out to a pile of ashes. Maybe you should have stayed home that day.

Remind me to let it go remind me to no try to understand the day that you died in my eyes you lie and say that is not better that the name of the place last seen in the apple garden to see the wheel pass the gate of the night and see the point to remind tall all my wheels to start to turn and let the words flow threw my eyes and my finger tips how did I hear that the you lied and read the story that upon a time of knowing that the red plow didn’t hew the quiet of the long point of days and teal and fear flee this upon the knit of the added on garter belt of the house of the know and the hate of the lie and the point of the what and the well of the say and the way and the quiet and quit and the open lean and the very teal tall talent never thought I be here and love the black enjoyed ride of the make and the are red and pink river stream and the happening ant the fingers hurt tans the thought that this is all there is and the at I couldn’t make you see that I don’t believe in the and the roses are not the reddest of blood but the palest of white like the snow that floats over the cold river of the summer and the sleet and hail fell last night over the bridge when the moon fought the madness of the stars that surround it no one told me this is the way to get the lost and the girl of the heat and the crying o f the gates and the what and who of the kit and the loped and notes and gates and the years of the plotting color.

Your name lives on the tip of my tongue always trying to escape at the critical moments. I can still taste it on my lips. I forgot how good it felt to kiss you. The way your mouth just seemed to melt into mine. Our tongues are the perfect dance partners. You stood there with your hands in your pockets as I wrapped my arms around your neck and brought you in close. I felt you relax and wrap your arms around my body, holding me so close and so tight. There I felt the safest I ever have. Nothing bad could get me there. Don’t think I didn’t hear the little moan you let out. I felt the kiss through my body and almost shivered. You are the only one I close my eyes with. I don’t care about the rest of the world. It doesn’t matter who is watching. Everything fades away as we are in our lip lock. It is like a drug, one taste and I am addicted all over again. Your mouth is what I think about late at night when my body heat rises, your hands on me makes my breathing heavy. Oh God! I love kissing you.

Hello my favorite liar. What lie are you going to tell me today? Is it the one about how you wish you never gone away? Or is it the one about how now you’re here to stay? Spare me the misery. Let me be. I’m still trying to recover from that last tragedy. Are you going to tell me the new deal? Do you really think that there is anything left to feel? The lies pour out your mouth and in my stomach the vomit starts to rise. Save it like I said. There is no place left in this bed. There is no place left for your words in my head. Don’t look my in the eye and tell me you swear as I cry. LIES! LIES! LIES! I endured years and years of this crap. It’s a wrap. I am done with it. At the sound of your name I curse and spit. Screw you and all your bullshit. Hey my favorite liar, do they know that no words you speak are true? Oh wow they just might believe you. You make me sick. I’m done with this phone call. CLICK! Don’t call back I wont pick up. Text and I’ll delete it with out a second thought. Give up you got caught. No more, this isn’t like before. Don’t come to my door. Don’t try to call I’ll just hit Ignore. No despair, no anger, no more, I just don’t care